Continuation - (posting as I'm writing, sorry!)

“I’m very forgettable.” I shifted uncomfortably under his penetrating gaze.

“No.” He said, softly. “No, you’re not.” His entire demeanor had softened; his eyes gentle and full of concern. “I’ve only known you a few hours – but I know I could never forget you.”

I suddenly felt extremely uncomfortable, partially because of his words but mostly because of his sudden shift in demeanor. I stood up, grabbing my back and slipping off the rock in one swift motion.

“I have to go. It’s nearly lunch time. My grandparents will be expecting me.” I hoped my lie wasn’t completely transparent. I started moving, but not in the direction of my grandparents. I simply wanted to get away, for reasons I couldn’t entirely rationalize.

“Oh! I didn’t even realize the time!” Nat exclaimed, with a look of concern flitting through his eyes. “Let me walk you home.” He was standing and at my side in an instant.

“No, no!” I tried hard to keep the words from rushing out. “You should be getting home now also. You’re foster mother will be expecting you!”

“She won’t mind. I insist, let me take you home.” Nat tried to take my arm, but I brushed it away.

“No, I insist. I can make it on my own.” I forced a smile, and looked into his eyes. “My grandparents would die of surprise if I brought home a boy!” Nat was unresponsive.

“Did I say something wrong?” He was clearly upset, and certainly knew I was lying to get away. I dropped by gaze.

“I don’t know.” I muttered quietly, before starting off again. This time, Nat did not try to stop me. Once I was sure I was out of sight, I took off running. Running through the forest without a path was exhilarating – I felt like a deer, bounding and leaping along the ground. My feet pounded, overpowering the pulsing guilt in my head. I ran – faster and faster – not caring where I was going. I splashed into the creek, turned, and continued to run through the water. The cool droplets splashed my arms and my face. Harder and harder I ran, water flying around me until I was soaked. At some point, I noticed I was crying, but I didn’t care. I kept running, leaving the creek and leaping over a fallen tree. I ran until I slipped because of the wetness of my shoes. I hit the ground hard with my knees, sprawling onto my stomach. I lay there in the brush, curled up into a ball, sobbing, my heart racing from both the run and the emotions that pulsed through my body. I cried until I had no tears left to cry. I cried for my mother, whom I missed more than any words could describe. I cried for my self, and my hopeless future. And when I thought of Nat – I cried even more for reasons I didn’t completely understand.

After my sobs calmed, my body learched and I vomited – not surprising given I was very unused to crying. Slowly, I rose to my shaky feet, looking around. My feet had carried me deep into the forest – nearly to the opposite side from my grandparents. I knew that about a mile ahead the trees would suddenly stop and give way to interstate. I walked east, neither towards the interstate or towards my house, but towards a particularly old spot of the forest. The trees here grew so high and so large that they completely obscured the sun – giving the illusion of twilight even at noon. It was deep green and very soothing. I decided this would be the best place to organize my thoughts.

I threw my backpack on the crowd, then flopped in the collection of old leaves underneath the dark canopy. I closed my eyes, deeply inhaling the musty odor of the old trees. Why had I become so hysterical? What was it about Nat that made me so uncomfortable? I had no first hand experience to consult – so I scoured my memory for similar situations – either in a book or movie – that I could use to make some sense of myself. Nothing readily came to mind, so I decided to try and pick the day apart.

I had recently been feeling very lonely – which was already a new feeling for me. I was used to feeling a sense of longing for something more – but true loneliness had been foreign to me before about a month ago. How had that started again? I thought back. The earliest recollection of this feeling had occurred about the same time my strange dreams had started – nearly a month ago. Had the dreams caused the loneliness, or had the loneliness caused the dreams? I couldn’t be sure – but it would be logical for any girl who had spent nearly sixteen years alone to start be lonely. I decided to ignore the dreams as just a product of my wild imagination and instead concentrate on my emotions. It must be perfectly normal for a girl who spent sixteen years virtually alone to start feeling lonely – especially with her birthday a week away. Teenagers were very social creatures, after all – certainly the loneliness was perfectly normal.

Almost as if an answer to prayers I didn’t realize I was praying – Nat had suddenly appeared in town. Until then, I hadn’t realized how much I longed for a companion. He and I had more in common than we would with anyone else in this God-forsaken town. It was natural that we had hit it off right away. He was so friendly, so warm – I just didn’t know how to react. Yes. That was it. I didn’t know how to react to someone being honestly compassionate towards me. I had been overwhelmed by the sudden thrill of having – well – a friend. I smiled, turning the word over in my head. I had been embarrassed, because I didn’t know how to properly return his extensions of friendship. His compassion had been so foreign, I had felt inadequate and thus my antisocial tendencies had compelled me to run. This outburst was simply a result of my sixteen years of antisocial tendencies.

I felt satisfied with myself, believing I had solved the mystery to my sudden outburst, no matter how faulty the logic – at least until a little voice in the back of my head assured me I was neglecting to acknowledge my physical attraction to him as well. Friendship was a foreign concept to me – but being attracted to someone on a deeper level, ha! No wonder I had felt overwhelmed. But no! I could not have fallen for Nat so quickly – I barely knew him! I felt angry at myself for being swept away by his blonde hair and flirtatious green eyes – so angry I felt the tears build up in my eyes again. I was embarrassed and angry at myself for being so shallow as to already have a crush on Nat. In my books, I had always hated the characters who fell for another character immediately after meeting them – especially if the person they were attracted to had any hint of being attractive. I had always written those type of characters off as shallow. I had always believed that love should come slowly, after a friendship had been firmly established. And now, I felt that I was becoming exactly what I had always hated.

And yet, those stories in which love came quickly and without justification often made for a more exciting love story. This realization seemed to calm my self-hatred, at least for a time. I scoffed at myself, knowing that I was far from being in love with Nat – so what was I so worried about? I wasn’t falling all over him – yet. I sighed, realizing I did, indeed, have a crush on him. Why did I have to be the one teenager who couldn’t be happy with that and move on?

I felt guilty for having ran away, especially now that I knew I was just being a silly girl. Still, I wasn’t sure how much I wanted to be around Nat. I wanted to get to know him and establish a friendship – and somehow a friendship established after a crush has been formed never carried as much meaning when that crush ended. I genuinely thought Nat and I could be very good friends – and so I was concerned that if I focused to much on the crush, I could be endangering the first chance I had ever had for a real friend. I stood, suddenly compelled to go see him and apologize. Flinging my back across my back, I started towards the area where I had left him, and, being anxious to see him – I again took off in a run.

While the forest was not large, I had ran a good ways during my outburst. The position of the sun through the trees let me know it had been a couple of hours since I had left Nat in the alcove. I ran faster, praying he would still be there – but knowing in my heart he probably would not be. I took a more direct route than I had taken before, so I was approaching the vicinity in about fifteen minutes. As I neared, I slowed to a walk – suddenly feeling very unsure of myself. I forced myself to keep walking, turning over what I might say if, on the off chance, Nat was still there.

As I approached, I saw Nat sitting on the boulder, his head in his hands. A pang of guilt ran through me, and my heart raced so fast I considered running away again. I closed my eyes, took a deep breathe, and reminded myself that this was my first, and possibly only, chance at a real friendship. Unsure of myself, I quietly moved into the alcove, directly in Nat’s line of vision – if he were to look up from his current position. A few steps in, Nat sensed my presence and looked up suddenly. When he saw me, he stood to his feet and moved a step or two forwards.

“Saphyre!” His voice was weak.

“I’m sorry.” I said, my voice shaking as I took a few steps towards him. “I shouldn’t have ran away. I just let my emotions get the better of me.” Our eyes locked once we were a few feet apart. “I just…”

Before I could finish my clumsy explanation, I felt his arms wrap around me in a hug. I stood still for a moment – stunned. I had known this strange boy only a few hours, and yet the action was very natural. I realized, at that moment, that we had become fast friends – suddenly very close, for no good reason other than we were compatible. I wrapped my arms around him, giving way to the embrace and the overwhelming thundering of my heart. Just as I knew Nat and I were suddenly and inexplicably good friends, I also accepted that I had a huge crush on him. I smiled, letting my head come to rest on his shoulder.

“I was so worried. I thought I’d lost you.” His voice was almost a whisper. “I’m so sorry. Please tell me what I said and I promise I’ll never say it again.” He squeezed me, and I realized our hug had transitioned into an embrace.

“You didn’t say anything wrong. It was just me, Nat. I am just so screwed up.”

“No you’re not.” He said, slowly releasing me from the embrace, much to my disappointment. He took me by the hand and led me to the rock where we had been sitting early. “What happened, if you don’t mind me asking?”

I took a deep breath, wondering how to phrase my explanation without revealing my newly accepted emotions. “No, I don’t mind. You deserve an explanation.” I looked down, and noticing Nat had not let go of my hand. My heart fluttered, and I struggled to focus.

“I’m sorry if I came on to strong.” Nat blurted out, almost as though it were a confession. “I was just so excited to have found someone who shares so many of my favorite things. I sometimes get attached to quick, especially if I have high expectations for the relationship.”

“It’s not your fault! I’ve never had a real friendship before. I think I felt overwhelmed by how quickly we became friends and so, I freaked – and ran.”

“I guess we both needed a moment to breathe.” Nat said, squeezing my hand. I looked up, and met his eyes with a smile.

“I’m also scared.” I confessed. Nat’s smile faded. “I’m afraid, because I’ve never had a real friend before. What if this is just a transient thing? What if tomorrow we’re both to busy to see each other – and then we forget the next day, and so on – so that this dwindles and dies?” My words started coming out quickly, as the thoughts and fears rattled off my head. I felt comfortable expressing myself to Nat, even though that comfort was completely unjustified. Subconsciously, I was hoping that if I let him know what I was feeling – he would be able to answer my questions and quell my fears. “What happens if we start back to school and you make a group of friends that you want to spend time with? I’m not welcome with any friends you would make here. We couldn’t be friends anymore. Do you have any idea how much that would hurt? To know I had a friend, and then lost him, all because the close minded freaks in this place won’t give me a chance? What if I do something to mess it up?”

Nat put a finger against my lips, calling me back to reality. He was smiling broadly. “I told you, I’m not going to forget you. And as for being to busy to see you – that isn’t going to happen for the rest of the summer. I have nothing to do, and judging by the stack of books you drug to the library today – neither are you.” I smiled. “And don’t worry about me making new friends and forgetting about you. If people in this town hate you for who you are, they will probably hate me also – we have too much in common. So you’re not going to lose me.” He grinned, mischievously. I nodded, smiling sheepishly.

“I know, I’m just being silly.” I looked away, suddenly feeling embarrassed again.

“Your fears are perfectly understandable.” He squeezed my hand again, and I suddenly realized we’d been holding hands the entire time we’d been talking. “Especially given how lonely you’ve been.”

“How’d you know…”

“It’s in your eyes, Saph. You’ve been lonely for a very long time.” I must have looked confused, because he quickly added. “Even if you never realized it.” I was quiet, considering his words and wondering if he could be right. I let my hand fall out of his. I had always had a longing for someone to share my thoughts with, but this new feeling of loneliness had an ache I had never experienced before. I nodded, slowly, in response to his words – knowing that he was probably right.

“Still – I’m sorry. For everything.”

“You’re completely forgiven.” Nat lifted my chin to smile at me. “There’s nothing to be sorry for. So, let’s get back to getting to know each other.”

“Well, you know the biggest part of my history already. What else do you want to know?” I was thankful for the lighter conversation.

“I don’t know – the normal stuff people know about one another. Like – what’s your favorite colour?”

“Green.” I smiled. “Forest green to be precise – you know, that really dark shade of green that’s still bright and friendly? The colour of the low hanging leaves of the forest in the middle of summer. I love that colour.”

“Me too.”

“What about you?”

“I don’t have a favorite, really. I like all colours.” I looked at the way he was dressed and giggled, in spite of myself.

“You like colours, and yet you’re dressed in all black?”

“Just because I like colours, doesn’t mean I like to wear them.” Nat grinned at me.

“Favorite book?” I asked.

“I could never choose.” He laughed. “And you?”

“Same. What about movie?”

“I don’t watch many. Do you have a favorite?”

I shrugged. “Not particularly. I like anything that has a sci-fi or fantasy twist, especially if it’s action packed.” I smiled. “The same goes for books.” For the first time in a very long time, I felt almost lighthearted.

“I’ll keep that in mind. What about season? Do you have a preference?”

“Winter is my favorite. Especially when there is snow.”

“Really? I prefer summer, when everything is growing and alive. It’s invigorating.”

“But the snow is so beautiful!” I exclaimed. “It makes everything look so clean and pure. It’s so peaceful.”

“Interesting.” He remarked, looking at me thoughtfully.

“What’s interesting?”

“Just an observation.” He gave me a mischevious grin. “Nothing of consequence.” I rolled my eyes.

“Tell me?”

“It’s just that – you enjoy the winter because it’s peaceful, right? Meaning it seems to calm you and bring you peace to see a snow covered landscape, right?” I nodded. “Well – it just seems to reflect on your personality, is all.”

“What do you mean, ‘reflect my personality’?”

”You seek peace.” He smiled. “At least inner peace, that is.” I paused, realizing that he was exactly right. I was constantly struggling with my emotions, seeking a way to calm myself. I loved a peaceful, serine landscape because it helped calm my inner turmoil – if only mildly.

“You’re right.” I smiled. “That is interesting. So does that mean you seek to be invigorated?” I thought about his given reason for enjoying summer. He laughed.

“In many ways, yes. I do seek excitement.” He laughed. “I suppose that’s why I was drawn to you.” I rolled my eyes again, pretending to be hurt.

“I’m not that exciting.”

“You don’t think storming off for no apparent reason doesn’t qualify as exciting?”

“I was going with disturbing.” I slipped into a half-smile. “Or at least that would be the normal response.”

“Well, I’m far from normal.” He ginned again, and I couldn’t help but grin back. His smile was absolutely infectious.

“Are you normally so talkative?”

“It depends.” He thought for a moment. “My sister says I am very outgoing. I guess she’s right – because I make friends easily. It’s just that I don’t get attached to people easily.”

“Define ‘attached’.”

“I don’t get very close to people. While I enjoy getting to know them, I tend to keep the friends I make at a distance. I guess it’s because very few people our age like the same things I do. Or at least, love them like I do. A love of books is required for me to be genuinely interested in a person. And if that same person happens to share my infatuation with nature – well, then I’m genuinely attached without having to know anything else about her.” He nudged my shoulder. “Kindred spirits are hard to find.”

“I guess.” I shrugged. “While we both like nature and books – we don’t seem to have much else in common though.” I felt my heart fall, realizing this aloud. “So maybe we’re not kindred spirits.”

“Trust me.” He lifted my face again and smiled. “There are very few people I think I could find more interesting than you. The difference in our personalities will only make our friendship more interesting.” I felt goose bumps appear on my arms at his touch. I hadn’t realized how close together we were sitting. Nat was a much more physical person than I was accustomed to. Most of the interactions I witnessed between friends had been very aloof. Nat was different, and I liked it.